Three-month-old Winnie

Winnie turned three months just a couple weeks before we moved out of Manhattan. And just a couple of weeks before that, she finally started coming out of her colicky stage. It's so crazy to think back on that time, how she would cry nonstop unless she was being held and we were moving around. I was in survival mode. But here we are on the other side of that, and I can look back on those days with just vague memories of fatigue. 

Winnie started showing emotions so much earlier than Sally did in some ways. She began laughing when she was just two-and-a-half months old. I think Sally was almost four months before we got any giggles from her. Like Sally, Winnie picked up on sleeping through the night very quickly, too. As I'm writing this, she's five months old and waking up three times a night, but in NYC, she would sleep from about 7:00 p.m. until 5:00 a.m. It was wonderful. Aside from her colic, Winnie has always looked for reasons to smile and be happy. She began smiling on command so early on, and she still does it. We love having this little ball of joy as part of our family. 

2.5 Week-Old Wynn

This time around, having a new baby felt much more manageable than it did the first time. That said, it was crystal clear to me that I didn't have my act together in the least bit. I was weepy, the house was falling apart, and I felt so incredibly frumpy and weak, but I was much more okay with it. And I told myself that I'd get my crap together eventually. 

It was very hard being on my own so soon after Winnie was born. Just one week after she was born, Johnny was back at work, and my mom was gone. But I was also ready to get back to my routine. People were bringing us meals, which was super helpful. I felt forever indebted to every person who stopped by with a meal. And so many women reached out to take Sally off my hands. It was so thoughtful and helpful. I really couldn't have survived without my NYC family helping me during that time. 

I remember when Wynn was just 1.5 weeks old, Casey came and took Sally for a few hours. As she was leaving, I just broke down, and I have no idea what about. I had several moments like that when I'd be convincing myself that I had my act together, and then I'd just break down suddenly. It was rough... I was just extremely tired and recovering and feeling overwhelmed. 

Sally's very long hair at the time (and still no haircut now, full disclosure)

17-day-old Winnie

Winnie was the easy one during this time. Sally had a super rough transition. For a month straight, she'd cry each morning when she came into our room and saw Winnie was still with us. And she began acting out in every way possible. From disobeying to pooping on the kitchen floor, it all happened.

Wynn's first week home

Wynn's first week home was absolute newborn bliss. My mom was in town for most of it, and Johnny was home, too. We spent most of the time just relaxing and staring at little Winnie. It was as if the rest of the world stood still as we adjusted to our new life. My mom did all the cooking and cleaning, and my only job was to feed Wynn and sleep and recover. When Wynn wasn't eating, she was sleeping. I love that about newborns. It's their little way of transitioning you into life with them, making it as easy as possible those first few weeks. 

I remember one particular night of Sally dancing and singing along to a song in the living room while we all watched her and while Winnie slept soundly on the couch. With all my crazy hormones, I just wanted to cry at how perfectly perfect everything was. With our scare at the hospital with Wynn, I was feeling especially grateful to have my two healthy girls, and I promised myself that I'd never, ever take it for granted.

Sally was happy to have me home, and she wanted me to give her all the attention I could. My mom was a big help that first week in Sally not being too jealous, since she had Grandmom fawning over her day in and day out. Reality hadn't hit yet, but it soon would :). 

Life and 2.5-Month Wynn

Oh my giddy aunt. I have so much to update on our lives. I've gotten so far behind, and it's not because I've been avoiding writing or that I haven't wanted to write. It's just hard to find the time! Double the trouble, double the fun... that's life right now. Actually, double the fun only happens on occasion so far. Both my girls are napping right now, and when they wake up, we're headed downtown for an afternoon/evening with Daddy-o. I'm excited!

I have so many different pictures I've taken over the past almost-11 weeks since Wynn was born that I'm dying to edit and post, but for now, I guess I'll just update how our lives are going at this very moment.

Today was a good day. That's really all I can say because some days aren't good days. But Wynn has snapped out of her colicky stage for the most part now, which simplifies life immensely. And Sally has chilled out a ton with her tantrums and jealousy and trying to find any and all naughty ways to get attention.

It's probably good that I didn't have time to write the last several weeks because there were moments of deep despair. The first month or so was definitely a blessed time of newborn, sleep-deprived bliss. It was hard, but I felt like I couldn't complain because I was just loving my newborn so much.

And then everything stepped up a notch when Wynn's colic kicked in at around 5 1/2 weeks. I thought it was just a growth spurt, but then it didn't stop. She would cry all day, every day and only sleep in 20-minute stretches until around 7:30 at night. She just seemed unhappy and in pain, but there was nothing wrong with her! It was madness. Really, I felt like I was going insane. I even took her to the doctor to make sure there was nothing wrong. Also around that time, I ordered a new front pack carrier because Wynn was only happy if I was carrying her around. So the past month or so, I carried her around and got out of the house as much as possible.

Did I mention Sally was simultaneously turning into a she-devil? I think she was having a hard time adjusting, but she was also bored from being cooped up more often than not. So I just started getting out every single day. I can't remember the last time I haven't walked at least four miles in a day, trekking here and there with the kiddos.

But it's been good! Getting out every day has kept all of us sane, and while I'm still overwhelmed at times from sheer exhaustion, I feel like I can see myself starting to juggle everything a bit better. We've also had some life stress in general that's made everything else harder, but that, too, seems to be working itself out. I've told Johnny a lot these past few weeks, "I'm not unhappy with my life, but I don't know if I can keep this up." I've felt defeated more than once at the end of a day. But the past few days, I've found myself able to think about others and care about others, which I think is a good sign that I'm finding balance again... that I can actually see past our little family and not be so self-absorbed with my own life.

So that's life in a nutshell. Sally has been developing so much, and I can't wait to share everything she and Wynn have both been up to lately. And we are loving summertime in NYC! I've got a lot of adventures to document. For now, here are a few pictures I just took of Winnie while Sal's been napping. She's already 2.5 months old! I can't believe it!

Wynn's Birth

Wynn is over a month old! I was looking back, and I had Sally's birth posted just two weeks after she was born. And I remember writing it all down even before that because I didn't want to forget even one little detail. This time around, well, I'm doing the best I can :). 

Oh, Wynn! It has been so great having her in our lives this past month. Her birth was so much different than Sally's because she came 9 days late, and even then I had to be induced! Crazy. My mom came into town the night before I was to be induced, which ended up working out perfectly because she was able to take care of Sally the entire time, and Johnny didn't have to stress about getting home or picking her up from someone's house. 

The morning of, Johnny and I woke up and got ready for the day and then called an Uber. It was so anticlimactic. I was just standing on a street corner, feeling totally normal, knowing I was about to go have a baby. Johnny wanted to take the subway to the hospital because he thought that'd be a good story to tell Wynn someday. But lucky for me, there was construction that made it impossible! 

We got to the hospital at around 9:00 a.m., and as we were getting checked in, my doctor (Dr. Eisinger) came and said hello. We let her know that we both kind of had colds, and that we weren't 100% sure that it wasn't RSV (since Sally had just had that a week earlier). She was none too thrilled to hear that, so they did a swab in my nose to double check. And it was negative! Thank goodness — I'd been stressing about that, so it was good to be totally certain our baby would be safe! 

I got checked into my room, and they started the induction at 10:30 a.m. by giving me pitocin and a saline drip. Every half hour, my nurse would come in and increase the dosage. She let me know that I probably wouldn't feel much for the first two hours. And she was right! For two hours I just sat there, totally chill, feeling super mild contractions. I asked my nurse a few nagging questions I'd had about pitocin, since being induced wasn't my first choice. I was worried the baby would be born too tired to nurse, etc., but she put my mind at ease completely. After two hours, they came and checked me, and I was 4 cm dilated, which is what I'd been before coming in. They broke my water at that point, and the contractions immediately started to get more intense. I was in legit labor at that point, and after about an hour, I was more than ready for an epidural.

After the epidural process, I felt some relief immediately, and then my contractions started to get more painful on one side. They came in and tried a different epidural medication on me, and this time the contractions were even more painful on both my left and right side. I was feeling worse than I had before I'd even got the epidural. The poor resident anesthesiologist who was working on me was so apologetic and baffled by what was going on. She finally said, "If your labor progresses super quickly, sometimes the epidural can't keep up." So she went and got Dr. Eisinger to check me. 

Dr. Eisinger came in, checked me, and said, "All right, let's have a baby." Apparently, I was totally ready to go! I immediately started semi-crying because the magnitude of meeting our baby and bringing her into the world finally hit me. And I think Johnny was looking watery-eyed as well. I was excited and overwhelmed at the same time. Dr. Eisinger and her team came in, and a stand-in nurse came in for my nurse because my nurse was on her lunch break (whoops!). I pushed for about 10 minutes with everyone coaching me the whole time. I could feel each contraction, so I knew exactly when to push, which was convenient, albeit painful. Johnny was right by my side giving me encouragement, and I felt totally at ease with Dr. Eisinger in charge. Funnily enough, she asked me what names we were considering in between pushing, and it was so weird and calming (which was probably the point) to have a conversation midst pushing a baby out. 

Wynn came out more gradually. I got to feel her head in between pushes, which was a little bit weird. I really loved that the process wasn't rushed at all. Once she was out, they did some suctioning on her nose and mouth and then placed her on my chest. She weighed 8 lbs 4 oz and was 21.5 inches long. I was crying, of course, just like when Sally was born, and immediately so in love with her. I just wanted that moment to last forever. Johnny and I felt so blissfully happy to get to meet and touch and hold our little lady. It's crazy how immediately I felt immense love for this new baby. I hadn't felt a great bond with her while I was pregnant because I was constantly thinking of Sally. I even worried I wouldn't love her as much, but all those fears were totally unnecessary. She's my girl, and that's that.

After a few hours, we were transferred to the recovery room, which was tiny and shared. But to my relief, the room was totally unoccupied at the moment! I hadn't eaten all day, so they brought me some dinner, and our nurse was nice enough to bring Johnny a leftover tray, too. We ate and just enjoyed being together. Meanwhile, the baby was being bathed in the nursery. When she came back, we just had fun holding her and sending pictures to our families. Johnny got to stay late into the night because I had no roommate! It was magical. He left at around 1:00 a.m., and I tried to get some sleep. I should have written all of this down earlier because the details are a bit blurred at this point!

The next day, Johnny came to the hospital with Sally and my mom. Sally got up on my bed and said "hi" to me and Wynn, whom we had named Wynn Olivia Galbraith the night before. Then she got down and pretended neither of us existed for the rest of the visit. When it was time to leave, she happily left with my mom, and only then did she say, "Bye bye, Mommy! Bye bye, Wynnie!" My heart hurt for her (and still does) for the change she's had to go through. Johnny stayed with me for the rest of the day and late into the night because I still had no roommate! It was a simple time of just enjoying each other and Wynn. When Johnny would go grab food for himself, he'd bring back candy for us, and we'd just hold Wynn, or I'd sleep, or we'd talk. It was great. That night was rough for me because I got in a little spat with my night nurse (because she was psycho!), and poor Johnny got a 4:30 a.m. phone call from me crying because I was so upset. But that's another story for another time.

The next morning, Johnny came bright and early and brought the car seat to take Wynn and me home. Wynn had one final check with the pediatrician in the nursery. The nurse came into our room and told us the pediatrician wanted to speak with us. We assumed this was just part of normal protocol, and walked over to the nursery together. Instead, the pediatrician informed us that Wynn had failed her oxygen tests multiple times. He said this was oftentimes the sign of a congenital heart defect and that she would need an echocardiogram. We went from thinking we were about to be discharged to very unexpected and devastating news. Our tiny, perfect little girl might be very sick. We were both kind of stunned. I think the pediatrician asked if we had any questions. I just said "No." because I wanted to get out of that room as soon as possible. Johnny asked, "If it's not a heart defect, what else could it be?" And the doctor said, "Let's just do the exam first and then go from there."

When we got back to my room, I started crying uncontrollably. They'd ordered the exam, but Wynn had to wait for it to be ready, so they brought her back to our room for me to nurse and for us to spend some time with her. Holding her suddenly felt so precious. Johnny gave her a blessing, and then she was whisked away. The time she was gone felt endless. We were both on our phones, researching heart defects. Everything was out of our control, and we just had to be okay with that. Suffice it to say, it was a tough moment. A different pediatrician came back with Wynn, and she was great to speak with. She explained everything in detail, and told us that Wynn's heart looked healthy. It was a huge relief. But they still hadn't figured out her low oxygen levels, so they needed to do more tests. They did a culture for bacteria, an X-ray on her lungs, and a test for every respiratory infection possible (including RSV, of course!). The pediatrician and our nurse also decided to see if they could get any mucous out of her, and they said she had a lot in her chest, probably from the quick delivery. All of this took the majority of the day and night, and everything came back negative. But they didn't feel comfortable letting Wynn go home, so she had to stay overnight in the nursery while Johnny and I left.

Being wheeled away from the maternity ward without Wynnie was another very emotional moment. Tears were just streaming down my face. But the woman wheeling me was so sweet and talked about how she had to do the same thing because her baby was in the NICU for a little while. We took a car home, both totally emotionally and physically drained. I pumped every three hours that night while Wynn drank formula in the hospital. The next morning, we got up bright and early and went back to see our girl and to nurse her. It was so great to see her again. When we got in the nursery, the pediatricians told us her oxygen levels had been between 97% and 99% all night long (hallelujah!!) and that they felt totally comfortable discharging her. They said the mucous had likely caused the low levels. What a sweet relief to know all was well. We were so happy to bring our little girl home, even if it was a day late. We felt so fortunate that things turned out the way they did, and the experiences with Wynn and with Sally's hospital stay have reminded us to just be grateful. Having two healthy, perfect little girls is a huge blessing, and I hope to remember that every day and savor every moment of being their mom. It definitely made those first few super-sleep-deprived weeks easier to cope with! 

And now for some iPhone pictures for good measure: